Dragon's Log

Wow it has been almost a year since I said anything. WELL.... lets see. things are good, I am doing well.... expecting a baby.... She will be here in about say 3 weeks. Business is going well but I will have to stop massage for about the next two months. till the dr says it is ok again.
Hello to those who actually watch this for anything. And if not oh well I guess you didn't miss anything.lol.

Crymson Rose

Current Mood: amused

well, My baby is 12 today.... My Grandson will be born in a week..... The venture is going well, my business is still well, small...and I am likely not going to stay where I am, so I am looking for space.... mmmmmmmm

I am doing much better in many ways. But I am still as always looking for clients. I am almost done with my associates degree. And I really like everything I have taken so far.

Current Mood: calm

We are starting another new venture. So we are cancelling eq for now. Things are going to be odd for a bit, but hopefully life will get much better, and I am looking forward to the possibilities.

I will post how it is going as I know. :)

Me

Current Location: home
Current Mood: productive
Current Music: none

I cannot BELIEVE it is already June 3rd and I have nothing to show for the year but receipts for rent. I guess my expectations were WAY too high and now I am feeling like I should have spent the first year working for someone else or something. But I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO DO THAT DAMMIT!!!!!
What I WANT is to make money enough to matter on my own. This was SUPPOSED to make me self sufficent not even MORE dependant on everyone else. I am about ready to SCREAM now... argh. ok I am calm, this is me calm.
/sigh.
ME

Current Location: my desk
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Music: none

I am feeling very overwhelmed by many things. Still need enough clients to pay my bloody rent. That is most of it. Money issues. And there are others but oh well.

I am ok I guess. shrugs. I am here. not that it matters.

Current Mood: cranky

Well, I finished Cranial Sacral some time ago, and now am working on Neuro Anatomy and Lymphatic drainage. I love both. Still major missing Dad. Poor Mom, Had her birthday last week then It's almost Mother's Day. She is like I am, ok one minute and not the next, and she WON'T LET me get her FLOWERS! ARGH she just does not want me to spend the money. I really wanted to get her two dozen roses for her birthday. /sigh. I want to get her yellow ones for Mother's day. She will get upset if I do. I just don't know. Should I buy them anyway?

/sigh. I feel like I am torn, I want to be there with her, and I cannot go, I don't have time or money for that kinda trip. /sigh.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: moody
Current Music: none

I am almost done with pathology then I start Cranial Sacral. Then we go on vacation.
I am still not really ok. I feel so empty with Dad gone, and Mom is not sleeping well and still feels very alone, It is really hard to lose a spouse of 42 almost 43 years. And none of us lives close. And she does not want to move. I wish she were closer but I cannot really fight with her reasons for staying. /sigh.
oh well just logging in to say I still occasionally log in.

me

Current Location: home
Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: none at the moment

Well I am back in town. The funeral went well as far as funerals go. Daddy looked good. But no denying he is gone. My emotional state varies from minute to minute, but I am ok I guess. I hope that Mom is ok. I worry about her.

I will be going to OK to my mother's house either Wed evening or Thursday morning probably Wednesday evening. Then I will be gone probably about a week, not sure how long I will be able to stay. I don't even WANT to go, but I have to. My poor mom. She has not been without daddy for 42 years.

This just cannot be happening. I know I know. It is. /sighs/

Current Location: home
Current Mood: sad
Current Music: some tv music in the background

Well my mother called today and asked if I was sitting down. That is ALWAYS bad, always HAS BEEN bad so I said no, and went to sit. So then she says Honey, Daddy is gone, and my scream of WHAT??????????? filled the house and I had my children and husband running from every direction to see what made me make THAT noise, but Ky and Josh KNEW someone was gone. Daddy was ONLY 66 he should NOT be dead. This is WRONG and SO unfair.

I feel like I will never be ok again. I feel like my whole life is disrupted and nearly destroyed. My father is one of the most important figures in my life. I cannot believe he is actually gone. I have been through every emotion possible over this and I just want to scream. I want to crawl into a hole and die.

I have felt like I should go see them for weeks now, but there has not been the time or money to do so. I don't have the money now either, but guess what, that is now the priority and I WILL GO! deep sigh. I wish I could have fixed this I wish I could have known.

Wishes get me nothing but more sorrow.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: none